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We All Need Friends

We All Need Friends

'Leaders Need Friends' is the title of a recent article from The Alban Institute.***

The article comes to us just as we are about to enter the Season of Lent.

Lent can be a very lonely time not only in the life of the pastor, but also in parishioners.          

There are a variety of reasons for this:

For us who live in west, and in the northern most part of the Northern Hemisphere, it is still winter.
Winter can be long for any number of people.
It is also a time when, in our parish cycle history has indicated, it was a time to put a hold on activities other than prayer and study.
Added to this, has been the emphasis of “giving-up” during Lent.

Part of this is to place ourselves in the shoes of Jesus, as he spent 40 days in retreat in the desert.     

What the leaders at Alban are addressing is: the year-round need for people to have friends.

With reference to clergy, (I would suggest all people) it is estimated 42% have --at one time or another--given consideration to resigning. The top reason for this is the feeling of being a lone-ranger.          

Alban outlines 'Pastors (All Leaders)' need at least 2 kinds of friends.          

  • The first group consists of colleagues or seminary classmates.
    The routines of congregational life make it difficult to bond with someone who wants to know you while playing golf on Sunday morning.
    Some of the other realities of our vocation is the Saturday night social event.
    The other is the family Sunday brunch, not always easy to participate in.
    Therefore, pastors and many other professionals, tend to gravitate to colleagues.          

  • The second group of friends we need to cultivate is made up of people within the congregation.
    There has been a long held idea that pastors should not cultivate friends within their congregation.
    Alban would say we need to set this aside.
    Alternatively, they say, we should cultivate a group of friends, as Paul describes as partners in the gospel (Philippians 1:5).
    Partners are the people you love, trust, respect, and confide in, as we carry out the work of the gospel.          

  • A third group, which I have always promoted, is from outside of the congregation.
    There are many organizations, fraternal and charitable, in which one can find great support and fellowship.
    Within these groups, one can find some of your best confidants.
    In all professions/workplaces we are in need of people with whom we can share our most troubling, and celebrating, moments.
    Some of the senior clergy within my clerical group gave this sound advice to us younger (recently ordained) clergy: find a social life--both within and outside of the parish.          

As I prepare to begin Lent 2023, I am so thankful for friends (confidants) from all 3 groups (colleagues, parishioners, other associates) who continue to share their life on this journey.

I am thankful for a parish who is there at the ready to work alongside of their pastor.

A parish with people who are prepared to listen.
A Parish Council who are there to serve.
A family who walks with me.          

It is my prayer for all--professionals, all people -- to have ‘friends’ who walk with them.
Possibly the most important people in our lives are friends.

There is a popular saying, “I married my best friend.”

May we not forget our friends in these 40 days of Lent.

Blessings,
Archdeacon Brian+ 

 

*** 
(The Alban Institute, (Alban at Duke Divinity School) helps leaders connect, and learn from one another by sharing practical wisdom, stories of thriving congregations, and transformational models of ministry.)